"My friend said he saw a fox on his way to work this morning...

I said, 'How do you know he was on his way to work?'"

What do you call a snake that's 3.14 meters long?

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A π-thon!

"I was a Guinea pig in a new drug trial recently.

Then it wore off and I was a boring old human again."

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a dog?

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Pooched-eggs!

"I thought a pig was tapping my phone becasue there was so much crackling on the line."

"My spouse told me to stop acting like a flamingo...so I had to put my foot down."